


Siblings and Sex Jokes

by DaviesInTheMaking



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Just cuz I can
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-27
Updated: 2013-12-27
Packaged: 2018-01-06 07:21:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1104032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaviesInTheMaking/pseuds/DaviesInTheMaking
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a random interview I felt like writing because I just thought of various conversations and decided to put them together. Please tell me what you think. Unless it's incredibly rude.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Siblings and Sex Jokes

“Good morning, New Orleans, and welcome to a very special edition of Matt in the Morning,” Thirty-four-year-old Matthew Parker said into his microphone, seated at the head of the red table in the K42 Radio Station. It was eight a.m. and he had just sat down in his plush leather rolling chair and put on his own personal headphones.  
“And on this bright morning,” Matthew continued. “I have with me five very special guests. You know ‘em, you gotta love ‘em, ladies and gentlemen, One Direction. Boys, introduce yourselves.”  
“Louis,” Louis said, in front of Matthew and to the right, leaning forward a bit to reach the microphone.  
“Harry,” Harry said, sitting beside Louis.  
“Zayn,” Zayn said, sitting opposite Matthew.  
“Liam,” Liam said, sitting across from Harry.  
“Niall,” Niall said, sitting beside Liam.  
“And my—” Matthew started.  
“Boobear,” Louis interrupted, smiling.  
“Hazza,” Harry said, catching on and smiling at Louis.  
“DJ Malik,” Zan said, chuckling.  
“Daddy Direction,” Liam said, amused.  
“Nialler,” Niall said, smiling.  
“Okay—” Matthew started again.  
“Tomlinson,” Louis interrupted again, smiling wider.  
“Styles,” Harry said, laughing.  
“Malik,” Zayn said happily.  
“Payne,” Liam said in a slightly menacing voice at which the boys all cracked up.  
“My name is Payne,” Louis joked in a tough voice, laughing.  
“Anyway, go on,” Harry said, looking at Niall.  
“Horan,” Niall said, his eyes shining.  
“Larry Stylinson,” Louis said without Matthew even trying to get a word in edgewise.  
“Zarry,” Harry said, looking at Zayn.  
“Ziam,” Zayn said, amused.  
“Niam,” Liam said, smiling and putting his hand on Niall’s.  
Niall started to speak, but hesitated, confused.  
“Do me and Louis have a bromance name?” he asked.  
“It’s either Liall or Nouis,” Louis said.  
“I’m gonna go with Nouis,” Niall said.  
“Are you guys done now?” Matthew asked, smiling at the boys.  
“Wait,” Louis said, holding up one finger. He thought for a minute before saying, “Nope, that’s all I got.”  
“Okay then,” Matthew said professionally. “Well, I think the first question should be, how are you boys liking New Orleans?”  
“Um, we’re really loving it,” Liam said warmly. “I mean, we love all the places we go, but, you know, every place is different in some way. The people here are amazing and insane, the shops are really weird—”  
“But in a good way,” Louis clarified.  
“Yeah,” Liam agreed. “In a very good way.”  
“The food is also amazing,” Niall put in dreamily.  
“We have learned that we adore Louisiana food,” Harry said. “It’s just really great and we love all the different spices that are used.”  
“I personally enjoy the voodoo shops,” Zayn said calmly.  
“Yeah, Zayn has taken up an interest in local ghost stories and voodoo,” Liam said while Zayn nodded.  
“Well, if it’s ghost stories you want, then New Orleans is definitely the place to be,” Matthew said in his cliché advertiser voice. “New Orleans has quite a lot of stories involving ghosts and spirits.”  
“So we’ve noticed,” Louis said, smiling.  
“Some of the shops and advertisements are actually quite creepy,” Harry said.  
“Well, that is what New Orleans is famous for,” Matthew said. “But overall, you’re enjoying yourselves?”  
“Oh, absolutely,” Niall said. “But, you know, we actually don’t need much to enjoy ourselves. As long as we’re together, we can make each other happy.”  
The boys cracked up, snickering in amusement.  
“You mean that you come up with ways to keep each other occupied, right?” Matthew asked.  
The boys just cracked up again.  
“Well, we do buy each other toys,” Louis said, smiling. “And we do play games together.”  
“And by that, you mean that you buy each other stuff like Nerf guns and play video games, right?” Matthew asked semi-desperately.  
“Sure, let’s go with that,” Harry said, laughing with the other boys.  
“Anyway,” Matthew said. “So, since you guys have spent a lot of time in America recently, what is your favorite place?”  
“Harry Potter World,” Liam replied immediately. “I love Harry Potter World. That place is just amazing. Just the rides and shops and atmosphere in general is just brilliant.”  
“And we love the butterbeer,” Niall said.  
“Yes, we love the butterbeer,” Liam agreed. “And it’s really the only place in America we can get chocolate frogs and blood lollipops.”  
“The firewhiskey there is amazing,” Zayn put in.  
“Yeah, Zayn and I were the only ones brave enough to try the firewhiskey,” Louis said. “The others were all too scared.”  
“Your eyes started watering and your throat was burning,” Harry said.  
“But I got used to that,” Louis countered.  
“So, would you all say that Harry Potter World is your favorite place in America?” Matthew asked.  
“Well, I wouldn’t say it’s my favorite place,” Louis said. “I mean, I really enjoy Los Angeles.”  
“Yeah,” Harry said. “All the shops and, you know, attractions, it’s all amazing.”  
“And, of course, we love the beaches,” Liam said.  
“Oh, we love the beaches,” Louis agreed enthusiastically. “But, you know, they also have beaches in Florida.”  
“I, personally, just like places like Hollywood where they have tours where you get to ride along and see stuff,” Zayn said. “It’s very relaxing.”  
“And what do you like to do, Niall?” Matthew asked the zoned-out Irish boy.  
“Hmm?” Niall said, momentarily confused. “Oh, um, I like going to see live performances and plays. It’s just a wonderful way to learn about different cultures.”  
“Which made New York really cool,” Liam said.  
“Yeah, we went to so many plays,” Niall said. “It was so amazing.”  
“The one thing that we don’t like about America is the drinking age,” Louis said. “I mean, it’s not like we’re alcoholics or anything, but we do like to, you know, go to clubs and have a good time. But none of us is old enough to drink in this country, so we can’t really do anything.”  
“Yeah, most of the places we’ve been, the drinking age has been, like, eighteen or something,” Harry said. “So it’s kind of weird to have it at twenty-one here. It’s like, ‘Why is it so high?’”  
“It’s because they want to discourage drinking, Harry,” Liam explained. “Just like sex. They don’t like people to have premarital sex either.”  
“So, basically, the laws here prohibit people from having fun,” Louis replied.  
“Well, people can still have premarital sex,” Matthew said. “It’s just that underage people having sex is considered illegal.”  
“That doesn’t make sense,” Zayn said.  
“No, it doesn’t,” Niall agreed, shaking his head.  
“Anyway,” Matthew said. “One thing that people have been dying to know is how you guys got your nicknames.”  
“Well, Liam’s is kind of obvious,” Louis said. “I mean, he’s Daddy Direction because he takes care of us and is like our daddy.”  
“And how do you take care of them?” Matthew asked Liam.  
“Well,” Liam said, smiling. “I know all of their allergies, what foods they like and don’t like, what medicines work best for them, I don’t let them eat too much fast food, I always make sure they get enough sleep, I make sure they stay healthy and don’t get sick, I don’t let them do anything too dangerous, I find them when they get lost, and I never, ever let Louis have caffeinated coffee or just too much sugar in general.”  
“Wow,” Matthew said, impressed. “You really do take care of these boys.”  
“Yeah, but it can get annoying,” Louis said. “’Cause, like, we’ll be playing video games and just hanging out and Liam will check the time and he’ll be, like, ‘Okay, guys, time to go to bed.’”  
“Well, that’s only because I know that if you guys don’t get enough sleep, then you’ll be cranky and won’t perform as well,” Liam explained.  
“And he won’t let me go to Nando’s as often as I want to,” Niall mock-whined.  
“That’s because you want to go there for every meal,” Liam said. “You can’t have an all-Nando’s diet. You need variety.”  
“And as to his other nickname,” Harry said, smiling. “Zayn, would you like to explain?”  
“Well,” Zayn said, also smiling. “He has the nickname Leeyum because he’s just so yummy. And I do mean every part of him.”  
“So, you mean… By that you mean… I’ve got nothing,” Matthew finally said, causing the boys to laugh.  
“So, what about your nicknames, Louis?” Matthew asked after a while.   
“Well, Harry actually came up with Boobear,” Louis said. “The boys just call me Lou whenever they feel like it, I came up with Tomo because I like the way it sounds, and the name Sass Master From Doncaster comes from when we were discussing our upcoming album with the producers.”  
“Oh?” Matthew said.  
“Yeah, they said they wanted to change Niall’s voice and I basically said to them, ‘Look, if you change Niall’s voice, then I am not gonna sing a single word for you.”  
“I appreciated it,” Niall said gratefully.  
“Well, I’m not gonna let them change your voice,” Louis said. “’Cause, you know, you can’t mess with perfection.”  
“Aww,” Niall said, smiling at Louis.  
“And the rest of your nicknames?” Matthew asked.  
“Em, mine—Nialler—came about just because the lads randomly started calling me that.”  
“And I’d just like to say that even I’m not quite sure why I started calling Louis Boobear,” Harry said. “I think it had something to do with me having a dream who Louis was turned into a baby bear.”  
“But why a baby bear?” Louis asked, look at Harry. “Why not a large, threatening bear?”  
“Baby bears are cuter,” Harry said, looking back at Louis.  
“Just saying,” Zayn said. “Most of our nicknames just come about randomly. Like Nialler, Hazza, and Lou have no actual backstory or meaning, we just came up with them. But DJ Malik actually does have meaning since I am actually somewhat of a DJ.”  
“Yeah, whenever we have free time, he always controls the music,” Niall said.  
“Which is usually a very bad idea if he’s drunk,” Louis said. “’Cause then we’ll listen to ten seconds of one song, then jump to another song and another and sometimes we end up listening to the radio.”  
“But of course, if he’s drunk, then at least one of the rest of us is drunk too, so it’s not completely annoying for the rest of us.”  
“And speaking of getting drunk,” Matthew said. “How often would you guys say you get drunk?”  
“Really only once in a while,” Liam said. “I sometimes get paranoid about their health and won’t let them get drunk for, like, a couple of months.”  
“And of course, Liam is really careful about getting drunk,” Louis said. “You know, given his kidney.”  
“Yeah, I really do have to stay as healthy as possible,” Liam said. “Me and Zayn.”  
“Health buddies unite,” Zayn said, bro-fisting Liam.  
Louis slid down in his chair and adjusted the microphone so that he could still speak into it.  
“So, what’s the weirdest thing a fan’s ever given you?” Matthew asked.  
“Before we answer that question,” Liam said. “I would just like to ask, am I the only one with a Louis foot in my lap?”  
“Nope,” Niall said, his hand in his lap. “I’ve got one too.”  
“I’ve got a Louis hand on my leg,” Harry said.  
“I don’t have Louis anything,” Zayn said sadly.  
Louis gave Zayn an annoyed look before sighing a bit and sliding down even further so that only his face was visible. He maneuvered himself around a bit before asking, “Everyone happy now?”  
“Louis, we can’t even hear you on the radio,” Matthew said.  
“I don’t care,” Louis said, exasperated, sprawled on the chair. “Am I touching everyone now?”  
“Yeah,” the others said.  
“Good,” Louis said. “You know what? Screw this.”  
He began pushing himself up and back into his chair.  
“Ow, foot in crotch, foot in crotch,” Liam said, his hands in his lap.  
“Sorry,” Louis said, getting back up into his chair. “Okay, there, got it. I’m good now. Sorry for the abuse, Mr. Chair,” he said, patting the back of his chair.   
“Everyone okay now?” Matthew asked.  
“Well, I’m in a bit of pain,” Liam said, a hand still in his lap. “But otherwise I’m fine.”  
“Good,” Matthew said. “So, weirdest thing you’ve ever gotten from a fan?”  
“Well, as everyone know,” Louis said. “I do tend to get a lot of carrots from fans. And along with that, I’ve also gotten carrot cake, carrot bread, and carrot biscuits. It’s not really weird, but it’s worth pointing out.”  
“You’ve also gotten carrot cupcakes and carrot pudding,” Harry said.  
“Yeah, and that is kind of weird,” Louis said. “Some fan actually made me carrot custard, which was surprisingly good.”  
“So Louis’s gonna have great eyesight,” Harry said.  
“Awful hearing but great eyesight,” Louis agreed.  
“Someone gave me a turtle,” Liam said.  
“Yeah, someone actually brought him a tank with a turtle in it,” Niall said. “And I’ve gotten a lot of Nando’s and Irish wristbands and shirts and stuff.”  
“And we’ve also gotten the typical sweets and brownies and such,” Zayn said. “Which has been really nice.”  
“We’ve also gotten healthy stuff,” Liam said. “Like organic biscuits and fruit and stuff, which is always nice. ‘Cause even though we have teenage-boy metabolisms, we really shouldn’t be eating sweets all the time.”  
“As much as we want to,” Niall said.  
“Someone gave me a cat,” Harry said.  
“Someone gave you a cat?” Matthew asked disbelievingly.  
“Yeah, when we were doing a signing, some girl came up to us with a cat carrier and just gave us a cat,” Harry replied, smiling.  
“So now Harry has a new pussy in our house,” Louis said, a perverted smile stretching across his face.  
“Oh, yeah, you and Harry live together,” Zayn said, also smiling. “Tell us about Harry’s pussy, Louis.”  
“Well,” Louis said, the others struggling not to laugh. “Harry’s pussy is really warm and soft and it trembles whenever I make it happy.”  
“Oh, my god,” Harry said, putting his face in his hands and shaking with silent laughter.  
“And the inside of his pussy,” Louis continued wickedly. “Is all warm and wet and kind of rough and—”  
“Boys, there are children listening,” Matthew interrupted as the boys burst into laughter.  
“Not anymore there’s not,” Niall said through tears of laughter.  
“Hey, I’m talking about cats,” Harry said, laughing. “What are you talking about?”  
“Wow,” Matthew said. “Just wow. Okay, we’re gonna take a quick break. We’ll be back in a bit with more of the surprisingly perverted One Direction.”  
Matthew flipped a switch, took his headphones off and cracked his neck.  
“Well,” he said after a bit. “This is certainly an interesting interview.”  
“Yeah, I’m having fun,” Louis said, removing his headphones.  
“Must you boys be so perverted?” Matthew asked good-naturedly.  
“Yes, we must,” Harry replied, smiling.  
“And here I thought you were a wholesome boy band.”  
“When did you ever think that?” Niall asked, stunned. “We get drunk, we have tattoos, and we hit each other in the balls.”  
“I guess I was just holding out hope that there might be some innocence still left in you.”  
“Well, there’s definitely some left in Niall,” Liam said, putting a hand on Niall’s shoulder. “His cuteness is his innocence.”  
“So, just wondering, but is there anything you guys wanna say that you couldn’t say on the radio?” Matthew asked, a paternal note in his voice.  
“Yes,” Louis said seriously, his eyes exaggeratedly wide. “Harry abuses me. He hits me and I don’t know why.” He turned to Harry, false tears in his wide eyes.  
“I’m sorry, Harry,” he said while the others released muffled giggles. “I just had to say something. I just can’t take it anymore. I need this to end. It has to stop.” He punctuated his words by lightly smacking the table.  
“But seriously,” Liam said once the laughter subsided. “We really don’t have anything that we didn’t say that we need to.”  
“Right, just thought I’d check,” Matthew explained.  
They chatted for a bit longer before putting back on their headphones.  
“And welcome back,” Matthew said professionally. “I’m here with British boy band and world-wide sensation, One Direction.” He pushed a button and the noise of screaming girls filled the studio.  
“So boys,” he continued once the noise stopped. “Predictably, I’ve gotten completely bombed with questions to ask you and one of the questions was a request for you guys to talk about your siblings. Niall, you’re the only one without a sister, right?”  
“Not only that,” Niall said. “I’m the only one with a brother.”  
“And what’s your brother like?” Matthew asked curiously.  
“Gregory’s great,” Niall said. “Being that there were three guys in our family, my life was kind of filled with sports and camping and hiking and my brother always helped me and made sure I was okay. There was a lot of unity in our family.”  
“And do you still have a close relationship with him?”   
“Oh, absolutely. We talk on the phone all the time and he always acts really protective whenever we’re with each other. I’ll say it annoys me, but really I love having a brother who looks out for me.”  
“And what about you, Liam?” Matthew asked.  
“My older sisters, Ruth and Nicola, harassed me all the time when I was a kid,” Liam said, smiling. “They would always paint my nails and play with my hair.”  
“And now Ruth’s a lawyer and Nicola’s a cop,” Louis said.  
“Yeah,” Liam said. “They went from little chipper girls to tough, assertive, kick-ass women.  
“But you know, no matter how much they’ve changed, they’ve always loved me and been there for me.”  
“Harry and I got pulled over by his sister,” Louis commented.  
“Yeah,” Harry said. “We were driving out to pick up some Chinese food and we hear this police siren, Louis stops the car, we get out, and there’s Liam’s sister.”  
“So she recognizes us,” Louis said. “And she’s just like, ‘Oh, shit.’”  
“So we laugh and she ends up letting us go with a warning not to speed again.”  
“And how much were you speeding?” Matthew asked suspiciously.  
“Not much,” Louis said indignantly. “Just by about fifteen miles.”  
“Louis does enjoy driving fast,” Harry said, smiling.  
“Well, yeah,” Louis said. “Driving slow is boring.”  
“And what about you, Harry?” Matthew asked. “What’s your sister like?”  
“My older sister Gemma is great,” Harry said happily. “She’s nice, funny, responsible, and really loyal. She’s a real girly-girl but you know, nothing wrong with that.”  
“His sister is really pretty,” Louis said, smiling.  
“She is,” Zayn agreed.  
“You guys are so weird about my family,” Harry said. “I mean, first with my mum and now with my sister.”  
“You just have a really attractive family,” Niall said.  
“Including you,” Louis said to Harry.  
“On that note,” Matthew said, looking at Louis. “I’ve got a question regarding a certain tweet that you posted saying that Larry Stylinson was the biggest piece of bull you’d ever heard in your life.”  
“Okay,” Louis said, wanting to explain. “First of all, the person I was responding to had been going off on Eleanor and insulting her, so I was getting pissed anyway and—”  
“You were getting drunk, Louis?” Harry asked with faux incredulity.   
“I was getting mad anyway,” Louis corrected. “And I can have somewhat of a temper sometimes so I just kind of said the first thing that came to mind.”  
“And do you really feel that way about Larry Stylinson?” Matthew asked.  
“Um… Well, neither me nor Harry is gay, so it’s not like Larry is anything more than a friendship,” Louis said.  
“And how do you feel about it, Harry?” Matthew said.  
“Umm, I’m really okay with doing whatever Louis is comfortable with,” Harry replied. “I mean, I do enjoy cuddling with Louis and he really was my first crush, but, you know, I’ll respect his wishes.”  
“Saying that Louis was your first crush,” Matthew said. “It kind of contradicts Louis’ earlier statement that neither one of you is gay.”  
“Well, it’s true,” Harry said. “I’m not gay, but I have realized that I am in fact bisexual.”  
“And I think we all have, to some degree, gay tendencies of some kind,” Zayn said.  
“Yeah, it’s kind of impossible to be completely heterosexual a hundred percent of the time,” Niall said. “I mean, what with Harry getting naked and us hitting each other in the balls and grabbing each others’ asses.”  
“And how do your girlfriends feel about this?”  
“They’re pretty cool about it,” Zayn said. “They know we love them and only them and that the relationship we have with each other is purely bromance.”  
“And is anyone else bisexual?”  
“I’m pretty sure I’m pansexual,” Niall said.   
“Meaning that he’s attracted to a certain personality, be it in a girl or guy,” Louis explained. “Just for those who didn’t know.”  
“And he really likes my pussy,” Harry said, causing the others to laugh.  
“All of us love Harry’s pussy,” Louis said. “I mean, along with being beautiful and soft and warm, his pussy also smells great.”  
“Okay, let’s please not get into the pussy jokes again,” Matthew said.   
“Sorry,” Harry said.  
“Oh, hey,” Louis said. “You know what I love about this radio station? The free nuts.”  
“Oh, god,” Matthew said, amused, putting his head into his hand.   
“Seriously,” Louis said, smiling. “There are just nuts everywhere. Some are sweet and salty and some are hot and spicy.”  
“And they’re all hard and crunchy,” Harry said, smiling.  
“Yeah, and they’re just so yummy,” Louis said. “So we’ve pretty much just had nuts in our mouths all day.”  
“And Louis and I fed each other some nuts,” Harry said.  
“Yeah, I was being lazy and wanted nuts, but didn’t want to get up, so Harry tossed some nuts into my mouth.”  
“Louis, why don’t you tell us about your sisters?” Liam said, wanting to change the subject.  
“Well, I have one on my father’s side, Georgia, and four on my mum’s side,” Louis said. “And none of us have the same colored hair. Georgia is really the responsible one and she has red hair, like auburn-colored. My next youngest sister, Charlotte, is the independent, antisocial one and she has black hair. Felicite is the sweet, loving one and she has pale blond hair and my twin sisters, Daisy and Phoebe, are just utterly insane and they have dirty blonde hair.”  
“And what was it like growing up with all those girls?” Matthew asked.  
“Annoying,” Louis said immediately. “Like, it would take each other them at least ten minutes to get ready every single day. Even when they double up, it would still take me, like, a half hour to get into the bathroom. And one thing I did learn growing up is that you do not want to mess with a girl when she’s on her period.”  
“Did you learn that the hard way?” Matthew asked.  
“Oh, yeah,” Louis said, smiling. “Like I would say something like, ‘Hey, Charlotte, have you washed the dishes yet?’ and she would grab me, shove me against the wall, and rage at me for, like, ten minutes.”  
“Wow,” Liam said, smiling.   
“Yup,” Louis said. “So now, whenever Eleanor or any girl is on her period, I made it a point to give her space.”  
“When I was little,” Zayn said. “I actually thought it would be cool to have a period.”  
“Why the hell would you think that?” Louis asked, shocked.  
“Because it seemed cool to me,” Zayn said, his arms crossed on the table. “I mean, I thought it was cool that girls would just bleed the same time every month.”  
“It is not cool,” Harry said cautioning. “I grew up with one sister and I know that.”  
“How could you not know that?” Liam asked. “You have three sisters.”  
“Yeah, well, none of them ever had violent mood swings,” Zayn explained.  
“Then what did they do?” Louis asked curiously, slouching a bit in his chair.  
“Well, whenever they got cramps or whatever, they would just pray for god to help them get through the pain… Except for Waliyha.”  
“Why not Waliyha?” Matthew asked.  
“Well, my other sisters, Doniya and Safaa are pretty devout Muslims, but Waliyha is kind of the black sheep of the family. She’s sixteen and she believes in god, she just sees the Muslim rules more as suggestions.”  
“So do you,” Louis said.  
“Well, it’s even more so with her,” Zayn replied. “I mean, she did fast on Ramadan, but she’s stopped praying five times a day.”  
“Wow,” Niall said, surprised. “And that’s, like, a really big thing, isn’t it?”  
“Yeah, it’s one of the original Five Pillars of Islam,” Zayn replied. “Our parents don’t even know that she’s not praying five times a day.”  
“Well, they do now,” Louis said.  
“Oh, shit,” Zayn said while the others laughed. “Waliyha, if you’re listening to this, I’m sorry.”  
“So, besides not praying five times a day,” Matthew said. “How else is Waliyha not as devout as your other sisters?”  
“Well, she doesn’t wear the traditional headscarf,” Zayn said, ticking off points on his fingers. “She wears low-cut tops, she’s planning on having premarital sex. She doesn’t eat pork, but only because she’s a vegetarian. She plans to get drunk on her eighteenth birthday, she doesn’t want to make a pilgrimage to Mecca and she pretty much just does her own thing, dressing how she wants—within reason—going on dates, performing whenever she wants, since she’s a singer, and pretty much saying what she wants.”  
“Daisy’s like that,” Louis said. “She’s a little whirlwind of hormones and teenage rebellion.”  
“How long has that been going on?” Zayn inquired.  
“Pretty much since she could talk,” Louis replied. “Except for the hormone part. That started when she was twelve.”  
“And our last question,” Matthew said. “Comes from directioner666 and their question is, ‘If you could describe each other in one word, what would it be?’ Niall, let’s start with you.”  
“Just describe everyone?” Niall asked.  
“In one word, yeah,” Matthew confirmed. “And try not to repeat yourselves.”  
“Okay,” Niall said, rubbing his hands together. “Liam: professional, Zayn: passionate, Harry: flirtatious, and Louis: crazy.”  
“Damn it, you took all the easy ones,” Liam said. “Okay. Zayn: sexy, Harry: perverted, Louis: insane, and Niall: cute.”  
Zayn took a breath before turning to look at Harry. “Harry: naked, Louis—”  
“Wait, naked?” Harry interrupted. “The word you would use to describe me is naked?”  
“Well, you do get naked a lot,” Louis said.  
“Yeah, but—” Harry started.  
“May I continue?” Zayn asked. He waited until Harry nodded. “Louis: random, Niall: innocent, and Liam: responsible.”  
“Louis… Weird,” Harry finally said. “Niall: sweet, Liam: mature, and Zayn: mysterious.”  
“Let’s see,” Louis said mischievously. “Niall: creamy, Liam: salty, Zayn: spicy, and Harry: talented.”  
“And on that lovely note,” Matthew said sarcastically. “We say good-bye to One Direction. Boys, thanks for being on the show.”  
The boys replied, said good-bye, and went off air.


End file.
